The Party

After weeks of planning and random trips to Walmart, the time of The Girl’s 6th birthday party was offically here. Now, I know how these things work…since the kids have lived with us, I have thrown The girl her 4th and 5th and now 6th birthday party. I am no stranger to the stress of invitations, the gifts, the decorations, colter’s angry question of “You need how much more money?!”, and the inevitable fact that one child will eventually have a sugar crash freakout session. The difference this year was that the party was going to be a surprise….Shhh….seems easy enough, yea?
So I woke up Saturday morning (after problematically over-sleeping) to a house….trashed. Colter was making the kids breakfast (creating dishes in the sink), the children were coloring in books on the table in their PJ‘s, crayon wrappers and markers littered the floor, toys were flung from one end of the house to the other, someone’s dirty towel lay soaking wet on the bathroom floor along with a pair of men’s underwear….presumably not clean underwear. A towel used to dry the dog the night before was in the middle of the living room floor and the playroom looked like an atom bomb went off…..awesome. I now had 4 hours to get everyone washed, dressed, two of them out the door, clean up the house, bake a cake, decorate the house, and pray that everyone showed up in time to pull this thing off. Aaaand…… Go.
So, first things first…birthday girl….dressed. Run downstairs, pick out an outfit…jeans and a nice blouse….throw it on her bed…. “Girl! Come get dressed please”. Run upstairs, go into The Boy’s room, grab an outfit…jeans and a light up spider man shirt….party-tastic! Come back down the hall to my bedroom and look for my towel. Grab it, go into the bathroom, take a shower (quickly), run into my room and search for some pants…pants…pants….WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY PANTS!?…oh there they are….awesome. Then Colter walks in “Hey hun….how long do I have to be gone with her?”…. “well sweetheart, I cant start a damn thing until you two leave and I don’t care what you do as long as you’re back here by 1:00pm”….. “Oh, then should we like get ready to leave?”….. “Yea, that’d be nice Cuz I have to bake a cake and then it has to cool before I frost it” I pull a shirt over my head and plug in the hair straightener (or flat iron). Colt walks out to his truck and starts it. The girl comes back up the steps “Where’s Daddy going?” …. “He’s going out to run errands…you’re going too.” I throw a hair elastic in her hair to make something that resembles a ponytail…its raining…she’ll need her rain poncho…Run downstairs, open her closet, search for poncho….got it…run back upstairs “WHOSE DIRTY UNDIES ARE ON THE STAIRS?!” (they look a lot like the dirty undies that were just on the bathroom floor) hand Lilly her poncho, kiss colter goodbye, and they leave.
Now it’s just me and The Boy. Alright…game plan…preheat oven, throw cake in oven, clean house while cake bakes, decorate house while cake cools, at some point do my hair and make-up, frost cake, yell “SURPRISE”….Good plan. Grab boxes of cake mix….two boxes…big cake…I need 6 eggs…NO…6 egg whites. 6 egg whites, 2 and 2/3 cup water, and about 4 tablespoons of Veggie Oil. Cake mix goes into the bowl, grab the eggs, open the box, only 5 eggs in the box….laaaame….grab the other box of eggs and take out one egg, put it back in the fridge. Now, for the awesome task of separating 6 eggs. Crack 1, 2 , 3, 4, 5, 6 eggs and separate…oops…piece of shell in the batter…get that out. “Mumma….Mum…Mom…Mumma”…it starts… “yes?”…. “Mom, can you turn my transformer back into a car?”…. “No I can not.”…. “Mumma Can I make the cake?”…. “No, I’d rather just do it cuz im kinda in a hurry.”…. “Mumma! Can I lick the mixer and the bowl?”…. “Can I finish putting everything in the bowl first?”……. “Why do you not know how to make my transformer into a Car?”…. “Because I am simply not that cool, can I finish this?” He wanders off into another room. Okay…Oil…tablespoons…1, 2, 3, 4, alright….what’s next? Water? Water. Measuring cup…go to the drawer grab the measuring cup…where is it? Hmm…just used it last night…perhaps its in the cabinets? Nope…in the sink?…Nope, not there either…WHERE IS IT?! Search entire kitchen…not there. Did I throw it out on accident?! Slightly pick through trash….nope not there…have a measuring cup that measures in fluid ounces…I’ll use that….okay, 1 cup equals 8 fluid ounces…but what’s 2/3 cup equal to?! Ummm…okay…that’s like a little over a half…okay so…16 plus like 5...so like21 ounces…..21 ounces of flour…okay…No! I need water not Flour….okay….grab the ounces measuring cup and walk to the cabinet where I keep the flour…grab flour, throw it on the table next to the mixing bowl…open it and stuff measuring cup in…21 ounces…21 ounces of flour…NO YOU NEED WATER YOU ASS….*Clank*…what the hell was that?…look in flour bag…original missing measuring cup is in it….grab measuring cup…measure out 2 and 2/3 cup of water…pour into batter…mix…pour into 13x9 baking pan…toss in oven…we’re golden…toss bowl and whisk into sink. Grab a cup of coffee…you’re losin’ your nerve kid…take a long slow drag from the rum of your mug…Mmm…coffee….take a deep breath….*sssssip*….
Okay, Cakes in the oven for 35 minutes….time to clean. Run into The Boys room…into his extra closet (I dunno…for some reason his room has two)…grab the Vacuum. Drag it into the living room, turn it on, spray it down…febreeze…Don’t spray counches. Too much febreeze that way. Go into laundry room, grab Bounce dryer sheet, rub couches down with dryer sheet….Nice touch. Run downstairs to the play room…total mess…Move everything off to the side…vacuum carpet… “Boy! Come help me clean up this playroom!”….. “But Maaaa! I want you to turn my transformer back into a car!!” ….. “I cant do that! Please come help me”…he comes downstairs “Can I lick the bowl?”…. “what?” …. “The bowl from the cake. can I lick it?”….. “I put it in the sink to soak already. Im sorry, buddy.”…. “WHY DIDJU DO THAT?!”…. “I said I’m sorry! You’re gonna have cake and party snacks as soon as I’m done cleaning this disaster I didn’t create.” (and that’s what its all about, isn’t it? Picking up messes…that you didn’t make)
Okay! Playroom’s clean, run back upstairs, dirty towel used to dry off dog still in living room….uhh….shove it under the loveseat…works for me! *beep*beep* CAKE’S DONE! Take cake out….Open door, Lindsay is here to help! YAY. Guests will arrive in less than 2 hours and counting…..uhh…Hair and make-up! Run into my room grab hair straightener and attack my bangs…one piece won’t stay still….won’t stay still….I SAID STAY STILL….ugh….HAIRSPRAY….easy kid…take another sip off your coffee….Mmm…that’s right…coffee.
Hair is done…time to flip cake out of cake pan…13x9.…that’ll be hard….run knife around cake’s edge….flip it over onto wire cooling rack….. DISASTER….bottom half of cake stays in pan….HOLY FUCK! I DO NOT NEED THIS RIGHT NOW!…think fast kid!!….SPATULA!…scrape bottom of cake off of 13x9.…place it on bottom of cake….lightly….good…place another wire rack on top of flipped cake and flip again….Good as new…sip your coffee…excellent. Let cool.
Go in my room to put on Make-up…see Dad’s vehicle pulling into my drive way….My father…Early?….first time for everything. Rest of Guests to arrive in 45 min….Party snacks…check…balloons…awesome…streamers…great…cake…FROSTED!
Guests arrive…all the guests arrive...Got nervous belly...might throw up…1pm….told Colter to be back at 1pm….1:15pm…No Colter….1:20pm….No Colter….1:25pm…Truck…yessss….Video Camera, ON…Pointed at door…everyone stand here, here she comes, aaaaand….SURPRISE!!


……Mission Accomplished.